i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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