Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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