Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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