Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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