Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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