I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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