how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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