Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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