a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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