I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
