Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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