No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
