This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
