what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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