My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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