Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
