Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
