we're chasing vodka with high fives
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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