Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
