paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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