remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
