I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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