Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
