So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
