Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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