he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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