I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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