this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
