I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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