he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He felt like a one man threesome
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
