I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
