it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
