yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
