Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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