Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
