how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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