She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
