god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
