he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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