I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
