If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
