I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
