well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
