Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
