My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
