just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
