Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
