Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
