Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
