I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
