Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
