that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize