TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How does it feel to date your dad?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
