dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
