Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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