He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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