That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
