My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
