I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
