as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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