you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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