My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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