She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
