so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
