Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
