...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
