I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
