A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
